Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll-Oh wait I forgot the booze! x ;

(405):

Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.

(509):

I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics

Right so, recently I realized I've been neglecting my blog, my bad. So I'm here to tell you about my days. March break happened last week I got smashed with Hermione, and we were on chatroulette, I'm missing about 5% of the night but that's alright, and I now have an addiction to chatroulette. The next day I went to Hannah's birthday, i tol myself no drinking for a week... the next day 'Tasha' and 'Yvette' (History and Science!!) came over, I drank. Not as much as with Elizabeth, but who cares.

And that brings me to a new point; I, Ivy, am possibly an alcoholic and a slut. No seriously, I joke about it but in all honesty, recently, its like surprising. I've realized many things, and funnily enough I don't care. Once I start drinking I wont stop, well I choose not to, I throw up to keep drinking, purposefully. I've gone two days without eating so I can get as drunk as possible, binge drinking? Not really, social really, sort of. I mean the only times I plan on getting drunk is when the going gets really really bad, and that's it. I'm also a slut, with no gag reflexes, well almost, unless its like... well yeah almost none. I have a huge sex drive, I say that truthfully, and half the world knows by now, I've done shit. I still wont say if I fucked someone, you can probably guess by now if I did or not. Its not that I'm ashamed or embarrassed, its a personal choice, maybe I'll admit my sluttish tendencies when I get out of high school and never see some people again, but not at this moment. Well, probably, me like this is never good, I thought I was over it but no, its back I need to black out drunk and soon and maybe get some sexual frustrations out.


Onto my next topic, The only reason I don't do drugs, which I've found out recently, is because I would probably like them too much, go poor buying then and have no booze money left. That's reasonable right? Yeah I know I'm a slutty alcoholic, well its time to read a bit more texts from last night (DID YOU KNOW THAT THEY HAVE A BOOK!?!? I JUST FOUND OUT TODAY, BLEW. MY. MIND) and go to bed. Night all!

Excitement, Horoscopes, School x ;

Now Muriel plays the piano
Every Friday at the Hollywood
And they brought me down to see her
And they asked me if I would
Do a little number
And I sang with all my might
She said
"Tell me are you a Christian"
I said "Ma'am I am tonight"

I love the song Walking in Memphis, it makes be so happy and up beat. So today at school was pure amazing-ness! I got really great on a history assignment 92% bitch, and just everything was GREAT.

Okay, so yesterday my internet rebooted and by the time I thought of my blog again I dind't want to write it so hello March 9th 2010. Today was alright I guess, I did English until like four forty because I had to finish my essay outline. I talked to Emily yesterday and today so it was all good. Well sort of, see right when I walked out of the food part of the cafeteria I locked eyes with someone, only one person knows who and my heart MAJORLY skipped a beat. So much for being over you. I mean it was like a BA-BOOM, not the usual boom you get, this one was like crazy BA-BOOM. I'm honestly not sure what to do now, its a hard choice. I think I should just sleep on it and do homework. Yeah, sounds good?

Old lady goes to a dentist; sits down, drops panties, and lifts legs. He says, "I'm not a gynecologist!" She says, "I know, I need my husband's teeth back!"

"if u think Ur life is bad imagine being an egg, u only get laid once, smashed once and the only bird that sits on Ur face is Ur mom!"

"Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the f**king book says!"

"Snow white and the 7 dwarfs are in the bathtub together,they started feeling happy ,so happy got out, then they all started to feel grumpy :)"

"think your a supercalifannylickingpenispullingpervert"

"Enough with the censored "beep, beep" I'm old enough to know what Road-Runner is really saying to Wile E Coyote!"

Kicking it with Dorothy, Toto's licking herself, Scarecrow's smoking grass, Tin-man's being a dick, Lion's in drag and there are little bastards everywhere."

Love Hate and Everything in Between x ;

It's a beautiful day, now watch some asshole fuck it up.

Well, the top quote pretty much explains my day, my parents managed to fuck up the entire day in less then 5 minuets. New record? No, probably not. I mean honestly walking home I just got all depressed and angry and just urgh then I got home and all they did was provoke me. Some times I honestly friggen hate them, and I mean HATE.

WEEEEEEE and a few hours later I've cheered myself up! Still a prissy angry bitch, but fuck it all. I'M GOING TO FUCKING WIN THIS SHIT IN THE END.

And um, I was going to say how I'm giving up on Nott, but, well, Christian Carter, you are a brilliant brilliant man, and I will take your advice.

I'm happy now, but I don't know what to do now. I was all set on brooding and being prissy because I was angry but now I'm HAPPY and I'm at a loss. Ah well, I'll find something... I hope.


AGRH, My Horoscope was right... AGAIN! No wonder my day was off... Note to self, check horoscope in the morning from now on
- x ;

Life Love and Ranting x ;

I'm standing at the biggest crossroads of my life
and
all I wanna do is close my eyes and run away
xxx

That's how it always feels, isn't it? Or am I the only one with this opinion? Of course that's statistically improbable since there is always more then one person who will agree with you, but then again there are the possibilities that you truly are alone in your opinion, but with this one, I'm willing to hazard a guess and assume I'm not the only one. Anyways, my minds been a fumbling mess recently and I'm not too sure what to do. So many things are spinning around at one and I'm rushing to catch up, yet it feels as though I'm not moving. But in a sort of reality, everything is just speeding up the faster I run, soon enough I'll be going backwards, and I'm not too sure how I'm supposed to feel about that. Some times I feel like a nomad in the midst of my life, always moving never settling. I don't want to move but it seems like the only natural thing to do, its the way I've reprogrammed myself to be and at times I deseratly wish to change it but at other points I welcome it. A change of scenery is always necessary to live a fulfilling life, for me anyways. At other times I feel as if I'm a hermit forced to be out in the world when all I want to do is curl up in my home and never move. Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled back, back to times I don't want to relive. I found my way out but it seems as if its trying to pull me back in, I should've known I couldn't escape, no one can run from their past, it always comes back to fuck you over. It doesn't matter how far or how fast you run the truth is, you can never escape. I think I'm going to give up all together on liking people, where has it gotten me so far? No where, if anything its only pushed me back farther. Sure, its something to hope-to strive for but at the end of they day it doesn't really matter unless they return your affections. And really Nott won't ever like me, he's well, god like and I'm the lowest poorest ugliest peasant that doesn't even show up on the radar. I really don't know what to do anymore in life. I had it all figured out, but now its a mess, I'm not even sure if I really want to go into English anymore, so what could I possibly go into now? No fucking clue. I'm not good at anything else, and I know I need a good sturdy job that allows me to take time off but what else is there other then teaching English? And then comes the cost, university is fucking expensive that I'm working for a semester so I can help pay for it. I don't want my parents to go broke paying for schooling and fuck, I'll end up having to go to school in Canada since one, I don't want to go to the states because a) no health care b) its the states, who wants to go there and c) I don't want to take the SATS. So howdy Canada looks like I'll be here to stay, there go my travel plans. Now don't get me wrong I'll still travel the world, eventually, when I'm old gray and alone, but I'll get there, I hope. Yeah I got big dreams, and chances are they won't happen, but dreams don't come true so I guess I'm on the right track. Whatever, life's not about falling down and not getting back up, its about taking chances, falling and jumping right back up again, I should just remember that and move on.

Its not about how hard you can get hit, its how hard you can get hit, get up and keep moving forward.

(posted previously)


It's about taking chances, breaking free, being who you want to be, and showing all of those who told you that you can't that you can, and you can do it better then they can.
(life)

School Concerts Heroes x ;

I'M STARTING THIS OFF LIKE NO OTHER POST.
COLE POPS IS MY HERO.
AND HE WILL STAY MY HERO FOREVER.
Well.. maybe.

So today I decided fuck it all, I'M GOING TO METAL WORKS and it was honestly the best decision I ever made. So many AMAZING things happened you wouldn't even begin to understand. I saw my friend Alisha Majic and I made a new friend with this really kawaii girl and yeah we both hate Sevin because hes a fucking ass hole and shes well, kawaii so of course I'm going to be her friend. And to all those who don't know me and don't know anything about me I'm bisexual OOOOHHHH SHOCKER, not. If you don't like it, suck my dick whore. Anyways, my newest hero, Cole Pops, PROPOSED to BRIAN MELO- oops sorry Brian Papalazarou soon. Honestly today was AMAZING and I can't even post anything that would make sense to anyone. I love you all. Oh yeah and Nott was looking gorgeous today and now Robert Marsalla knows my urge to fuck him. He almost knows as much as Hermione does, and she knows I wanna bang him like no tomorrow. This is what happens when I an forced to walk home all alone because someone had to move away *COUGH* SHAYLA *COUGH*





EDIT: I also motherfucking hurt my ankle walking home, how I did it no idea, but it friggen kills.



ANOTHER EDIT: link to the video of Cole http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=614740392#!/video/video.php?v=375399416220&ref=nf <

Heroes Villains x ;

I told you. You're just like me. Only you're the hero… and I'm the villain. But what difference does it actually make? Deep down, we're just two wicked people playing a wicked, wicked game.

It's true isn't it? Heroes and villains, villains and heroes. It's the same thing, they just go about their desires in different ways. What makes a hero? Is it someone who saves others? Well, villains do that too, they save those that they believe need saving just like the heroes. What makes a villain? Are they someone who does things others don't approve of? Well, heroes do that as well, everyone does it. Why is there a barrier between hero and villain, good and evil, when in reality there are more similarities than differences between the two? What if you were brought up-what if your society was formed upon stealing and killing? You would not think of that as evil or wrong, it would be the right thing to do, you would see nothing wrong with it. Heroes would be gods of death, and of stealing not the ones portrayed now.

Ugh, random ramblings I know... I just needed to say it somewhere

Gays Pairings Hockey Sports and School x ;

"Gatorade has just announced they're ending their relationship with Tiger Woods.
Apparently they checked his cellphone
and found text messages from Powerade and Vitamin Water." -Jimmy Fallon

So, I'm in a better mood today, still angry but I'm choosing to ignore that little hiccup in my wonderful year so far. If you didn't read my previous post I got angry at someone I know for being an immature little fucking racist asshole and just being an idiot. To those who don't know me personally, I HATE racists with a passion. Sure I'll admit I'll laugh at a racist joke or two and yeah I'm a bit of a hypocrite for doing so, and I'll fully admit it but blaming a people for ruining the Olympics opening is complete fucking bullshit. I have very high regards for Aboriginals and everything that happened to them, the post not only was offensive to them but it hurt me as well. I'm a huge fighter for equal rights and all that jazz, especially since I live on the Aboriginal's native land. But I do apologize for flying off the handle and blowing up but I take these things seriously so don't fuck with me. ANYWAYS....


Today was fun I suppose, nothing too interesting happened, except for me and Cookies's adventures running around the school. Oh yeah, and tomorrow we have this art thing at our school, you were supposed to sign up for it but I wasn't sure what was the hubbub was all about so I'm going to try tomorrow morning. FINGERS CROSSED! And honestly, only reason I really want to is because my friend from Cathedrals coming.


Now then, I LOVE HOCKEY. No, I don't just love hockey, I-I-I... Well, I ADORE it SO MUCH there's no possible way to describe it. Hockey hockey hockey, how I love thee. But now the Olympics finished and how will I get my sports boost every day? HMMM? I mean its not just hockey, its sports in general, winter especially.


AND OH GOLLY GOSH. I LOVE GAYS. AND GAY PAIRINGS. AND I ESPECIALLY LOVE JACK/RALPH FROM LORD OF THE FLIES. Hehehe. yoaifangirl on crack? Why yes I am, AND DAMN PROUD. Soooooooo kawaiiiii hehehe!

Anger, Racism, and Rants x ;

A world cannot stand when its history is based off racism.

So today I was in a really happy mood, I mean really happy. Every little thing that had me down was brightened up almost right away. And in this happy go lucky stupor I was going to write an amazing blog about my life and my love of hockey and how saddening it is for me that the Olympics have finished. I mean really, now what can I watch religiously? Anyways, before I was going to write my blog I decided to check up on my friends blogs and I got to a fucking idiot Charlie Gaziano's (http://placeblognamehere1800.blogspot.com/) and I wanted to shoot him for his idiotic behavior writing up the blog post entitled " Did Canada Ruin the Olympic Ceremony?". For all of you who know me they know I take Aboriginal rights very seriously and I have a grudge against Canadians for doing what they did to them, therefore I commented on the blog, well, lets face it, its more of a babbling rant but I thought the world should realize what Aboriginals mean in this world.

"I should fucking shoot you for this. Are you fucking kidding me the NATIVES, not Indians, were here before the English settled the land and before your family ever came here. Natives Americans are the *real* Canadians. The English and French that settled here were fucking racist and screwed them over. The Natives should've had a larger role in the Olympics, not all of them were recognized only four clans were. Your a fucking prick for writing this, I hope you realize that. What they did to Natives in residential schools was a cruel and heartless as what Hitler did, and worse. Hitler killed the Jews, Canada took away their identity, their lives, their beliefs, their culture and their history. And the aftereffects still stand now. How would you like it if the Russians, for example, took you out of your home as a child forced you across the country without saying goodbye to your friends, family and all you hold dear and made you into something you weren't. They BEAT the children, RAPED them, and KILLED them in those schools, and they were run by the CHURCH. They weren't allowed to speak their native tongue, not allowed to contact family members nothing. They lost their identity they forgot their old lives, they didn't fit in with their people and didn't fit in with the Englishmen. Fuck you. Next time you decide to write something so fucking immature and heartless learn about the people your insulting. Grow up, I mean really. Oh and the hydraulics was working just fine throughout the entire show. Blame bad luck not a nation of people whose land you live upon now. You should be thankful and have a bit more respect for them they gave up what was rightfully theirs for you to live on now. And they could have done it willingly they were eager to help the new settlers but no, they were tricked. Honestly grow the fuck up."



Fuck you Charlie and grow a set of balls.

IVY OUT BITCHES.

Love, Sex Appeal, Cupcakes x ;

Theres no time in life to stay mad over the stupid shit..let things go and move on in life. is there really nothing better to do than hold onto a grudge..? Dont waste time with stupid people and stupid comments and dont let the litte shit bother you. its not about how hard you can get hit, its how hard you can get hit, get up and keep moving forward

Taken from Nick Lanza's Face book status.
(It was on my homepage and I personally loved it so all rights go to him and him only)

Hello friends and fellow bloggers! Sorry I haven't been posting recently but for some reason it wasn't letting me long onto my blogger account and I finally got it back today!




OKAY and it screwed me over yet again! So, I'm back now for good, I hope.

Um I forget that this was- OH okay, so I was writing this to say, I make cuppy cakes with Jacob and Shayla <3>


I think that's it...

LIFE is too short. Grudges are a waste of PERFECT happiness. LAUGH when you can, APOLOGIZE when you should and LET GO of what you can't change. Love DEEPLY and forgive QUICKLY take chances. Give EVERYTHING and have no regrets... life is too short to be UNHAPPY. You have to take the GOOD with the BAD smile when you're sad. LOVE what you got... and always REMEMBER what you had. ALWAYS forgive, NEVER forget. Learn from your mistakes, but NEVER regret.

Posted March 1st?

Into the fire x ;

Out of the frying pan and into the fire



Second post, My mindless rambling needed a separate post because it wouldn't flow with the other, and I've already posted it.

It what life's about isn't it? Out of one situation and into another, never a chance to stop and hold your breath. At times it feels like I'm drowning under the pressure, how people can deal with it so smoothly astounds me. Sure on the exterior I'm clam and collected but just underneath it, bubbling is a never ending ocean of emotions. The waves threatening to break me. Its literally a make me or break me situation, emotionally I'm strong but sometimes I just need a break. I know breaking down the defenses I've put up around me will be harder to take down then it ever was building them up, but I need a little help with it. I managed to break down a few, but its surprising how much I've isolated myself from everyone else. Its corny and cliche when I say this but I want someone who can get through to me and show me what I've been missing out on, but so far it seems hopeless, I guess its my destiny.


Before I post this, something caught my eye on facebook and I have to say this. I ABSOLUTELY HATE DRUGS AND THOSE WHO TAKE THEM. It makes me so angry its unbelievable.


And a note to myself: Add C+J's numbers to cell phone.

&

HAPPY FEBRUARY FIRST ALL !!!!

Music Sex Costumes and Exams x ;

The kid that no one noticed
The voice no one ever heard
I am just a nerd.

So I just finished my exams today, and let me just say that is a huge load off my shoulders now. Although, I feel as if I failed everything and I'll live in a cardboard box on king street and work at McDonald's part time, the other part working as a prostitute. I ended up seeing Sevin at two of my exams, stressful much? It didn't help the he stirred up unwanted forgotten emotions right before the two exams I know I was going to fail either.

So for some reason my computer decided to fuck up on me and I couldn't finish my post, but now I forget what I was going to rant about and I'll start off anew!

On Friday I finally saw Avatar with Romilda, I enjoyed myself and well, that's about all to say on that topic. Sure the movie was good but nothing interesting happened so moving on!

Be her hero
Be the one she needs
Before its too late
and she's lost forever.

I recently found a bunch of great music I've fallen in love with I would elaborate more but lets face it, I start talking music you'll never hear the end of it. So I'll save you the time by just saying this much, and I know your thankful. But I will say this; without music, shows, movies, and books I would have gone insane a long time ago. Music helps keep me grounded, shows/movies give me a taste of life, and books allow me to travel and experience new places and things. Without all that I would have truly gone insane.

I want to feel you
After so many drinks
One night
One time
And then just forget all about you

Alright so next on my list is; SEX. Everyone's absolute favorite subject since people learned to fuck. A lot of people think I'm slutty or a huge whore for stating my opinions. I'm the type of person that will go right out and say I want to fuck Eric Millegan's hot gay ass. Or I want Andrew Lee Potts to fuck me right here, right now in front of everybody. I've even said things like; I want to watch Eric Millegan with another man, that would be so fucking hot. I also have a strange fondness of showing people my bra, does that make me a whore? Well, I personally don't think so, sure my shirts are low cut but I like showing my cleavage for myself, those who don't like it- you can just suck it. And yes, I talk about sex a lot, and I think of it a whole lot more what do you expect I'm a bisexual teen who is attracted to older men, and a few around the school, but that's no need to call me a whore or slut. Talk to some guys, its normal. Talk to anyone really, I'll admit I think about it more then most girls but I'm not complaining, if someone's hot I WILL fantasize about them and yeah I'll probably get turned on, and for that reason I thank the lord I'm not a male. I'd almost always be walking around with a boner the size of Russia if I was one.

Madder than a Hatter can possibly be!

After watching Alice the mini series I've firmly made up my mind, I'm going as the Mad Hatter for Halloween. I've started my sketches and I'm considering making a whole wardrobe full of Mad Hatter clothing. It suites me and my personality, I hope I do the Hatter good. After all the Mad Hatter has always and will always be my favorite. Many, many thanks to Charlie who is graciously giving me his top hat, I am indebted to you. My next mission is to buy a lot of good quality fabric for a low price, learn to make a coat with coattails, and learn to make the skirt of my dress. Its going to be tricky but I'll be dammed if I don't make it as amazing as I possibly can. Wish me luck, cheers! And now that I think about it I'd like some tea, and perhaps a green apple if there are any left. I checked earlier, but you never know there could be one hiding just around the corner.



*posted feb 1st.

Alcohol and Cupcakes x ;

Looking for a night to forget
I want to see you
I want to be with you
But in the morning I don't want to remember

Life is life, what can I say? Some days are great and some days, you just really need a mate. Only one thing is true, you can't live without it.

School was a bore as usual, nothing too interesting happened unless you could be being taken away by Theodore Nott's looks and sort of staring at him while he walked down the stairs... That was slightly embarrassing Hermione and Romilda had to call be a few times before they got my attention. What can I say, he's a good looking guy and well, I'm smitten.

Lunch was okay, nothing new happened so no need to talk about it more. Third period we resumed our debate, it was slow to say the least. Harry sat beside me, it made me happy for obvious reasons. I mean he could have sat anywhere he wanted but he chose me, I feel very special. Okay so its not that big of a deal really, but I don't care. I hate his friend, why? I'm slightly jealous, okay very jealous. I just want to be his friend is all, or at least talk to him, unlike now.

After school there was a meeting for a club I'm in, we painted, how fun. Please note the sarcasm people! I mean really, there was almost no one there and the only people who were I didn't know and Hermione so we made an excuse and left.

When I got home I felt like sleeping but I didn't get the chance to, my friend called me over to make cupcakes with her so I obviously did. We made them for our last period class because our teacher is allowing us to bring in food while we study. The only reason we're allowed to is because someone's having a birthday, GO SEAMUS! I honestly love Flitwick as a teacher now.

Its only Tuesday, hm, I would've thought it was at least Thursday, woe is the life of a student and slow moving weeks.

Exams are coming up and the only thing I can think of is "If vodka was water... and i was a duck... I`d swim to the bottom and never come up..But vodka`s not water and I'm not a duck... so slide me a bottle and shut the fuck up" All I feel like doing is having a night to forget.

Forget it existed,
Forget why it happened,
Forget who I was with,
And forget what I've done.

Everyone has skeletons in their closet, too bad for me I have an army of them that won't let me forget they exist. My thoughts are plagued by the stupid shit I've done and I want out, the best way? Alcohol.

Just one night is all I need,
Just a temporary relief
I'll go back to reality
But I just need one night.

But no one will give it to me. Maybe they care, maybe their scared, maybe they just don't want to blamed. All I know is; I'm not getting the time to forget I need.

I bottle up my emotions, its no surprise,
I need a way out and alcohol helps.
Just give me one night.

Breathe x ;

Breathe;
To get you through the day
Breathe;
And stay alive
Breathe;
And live
Every one has those days,
But those days feel like every day to me

Well, whatever I'm going to try and be cheery today! Hah, that's going to be a challenge... Today has literally been a roller coaster of emotions.

First I was all BLAH and icky in the morning and then third period come around and my friend was being overly cheery, it annoyed me until she rubbed off on me and I lighted up instead of being the stupid emo child I felt like being. It also helped that I noticed a cute boy me and 'Hermione' call Theodore Nott looking at me. Now that brightened up my mood considerably.

Lunch came around and I sort of spent my time watching Nott so it was pretty good, considering...

Then it was third period and amazingly 'Harry Potter' was mega nice, he even said my name a few times. I mean I was aware he knew who I was but I really didn't expect him to know me, know me. So third period came a went we had a debate, surprisingly it was fun, and I kicked ass!

After school I saw some friends, talked to them, you know the usual and went home. At home there was really nothing to do, I made rice for dinner, ate my last green apple, and make hot chocolate. I really want another apple though, but unfortunately I ate my last one.

So the day went on, boring as ever and BAM I decided to look at my absolute favorite fan page on facebook; Thank God I'm not a Teen Age Mother. There's so much controversy and bitch fights who wouldn't love it? I posted some stuff, nothing bad or anything just saying the teen moms should get out because they have their own group and blah blah blah... How fun. Well, I'm off for tonight I gotta get ready to fail tomorrow's chemistry 'quest' horribly, wish me luck!

Breathe;

To get you through the day
Breathe;
And stay alive
Breathe;
And live
Every one has those days,
But those days feel like every day to me

Addictions x ;

Well, I'm back again.
Yes again, I keep coming back, and making new accounts.
And for what? Well, it's for my own sanity.
I'm crazy, psychotic, and a danger to myself and everyone around me.
And right at the center of my insanity lies the boy who drives me absolutely crazy.
One touch.
One scent.
One look.
Its all it takes to send me completely overboard.
And yet I need him to survive.
One day without seeing his face and I'm all sorts of crazy.
I'm angry;
sad;
frustrated;
restless;
dangerous;
When I said I was a danger to myself and others it wasn't a lie.
I'm crazy.
I'm in this twisted world of obsessed attraction and affection,
And I'm so far in,
That there's no way of reaching me now.
Past the point of no return,
Past all thoughts of hope.
So that;
Even when I do see him, I'm not any better.
I'm angry;
upset;
restless;
obsessive;
And I don't know what to do about it.
I tried being his friend.
It was a mistake.
I tried ignoring him.
It only caused me more confusion.
I tried confronting him.
It was disastrous.
So now you see at the cross roads I stand at.
I can push him out of my mind sure,
But all it takes is just one little thing to throw the trigger
And I'm back, again.
Maybe I need closure?
We never did date, hell we never became anything
There's still no words to describe us.
I guess I'll settle for
Classmates
I was doing fine, almost the whole year and I managed to stay cool and collected.
I managed not to see him without avoiding him,
But now?
I see him everywhere and its not doing any good for me.
I don't think I can ever just get over him.
Not without extensive amounts of therapy at least.
And it makes me sad.
I want to go back,
More than anything in this word.
Send me back a few years to the start of high school
And then maybe I can stop my self from making so many mistakes.
And stop myself from
falling for him.
The one thing I really need,
Is the one thing he'll never give me.
I need him to tell me he hates me.
That we never had a chance and we never will.
Its bad enough that he;
Haunts my past,
Haunts my mind,
Haunts my dreams.
I don't need him taking over anything else in my life.
It's such a twisted feeling.
I care for him,
My heart aches for him,
And yet I absolutely hate him with a passion.
I'm alone in this fight for sanity,
And I really wish I wasn't.
This is the hardest thing you could ever dream of.
Its terrifying.
It's my life.