Life Love and Ranting x ;

I'm standing at the biggest crossroads of my life
and
all I wanna do is close my eyes and run away
xxx

That's how it always feels, isn't it? Or am I the only one with this opinion? Of course that's statistically improbable since there is always more then one person who will agree with you, but then again there are the possibilities that you truly are alone in your opinion, but with this one, I'm willing to hazard a guess and assume I'm not the only one. Anyways, my minds been a fumbling mess recently and I'm not too sure what to do. So many things are spinning around at one and I'm rushing to catch up, yet it feels as though I'm not moving. But in a sort of reality, everything is just speeding up the faster I run, soon enough I'll be going backwards, and I'm not too sure how I'm supposed to feel about that. Some times I feel like a nomad in the midst of my life, always moving never settling. I don't want to move but it seems like the only natural thing to do, its the way I've reprogrammed myself to be and at times I deseratly wish to change it but at other points I welcome it. A change of scenery is always necessary to live a fulfilling life, for me anyways. At other times I feel as if I'm a hermit forced to be out in the world when all I want to do is curl up in my home and never move. Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled back, back to times I don't want to relive. I found my way out but it seems as if its trying to pull me back in, I should've known I couldn't escape, no one can run from their past, it always comes back to fuck you over. It doesn't matter how far or how fast you run the truth is, you can never escape. I think I'm going to give up all together on liking people, where has it gotten me so far? No where, if anything its only pushed me back farther. Sure, its something to hope-to strive for but at the end of they day it doesn't really matter unless they return your affections. And really Nott won't ever like me, he's well, god like and I'm the lowest poorest ugliest peasant that doesn't even show up on the radar. I really don't know what to do anymore in life. I had it all figured out, but now its a mess, I'm not even sure if I really want to go into English anymore, so what could I possibly go into now? No fucking clue. I'm not good at anything else, and I know I need a good sturdy job that allows me to take time off but what else is there other then teaching English? And then comes the cost, university is fucking expensive that I'm working for a semester so I can help pay for it. I don't want my parents to go broke paying for schooling and fuck, I'll end up having to go to school in Canada since one, I don't want to go to the states because a) no health care b) its the states, who wants to go there and c) I don't want to take the SATS. So howdy Canada looks like I'll be here to stay, there go my travel plans. Now don't get me wrong I'll still travel the world, eventually, when I'm old gray and alone, but I'll get there, I hope. Yeah I got big dreams, and chances are they won't happen, but dreams don't come true so I guess I'm on the right track. Whatever, life's not about falling down and not getting back up, its about taking chances, falling and jumping right back up again, I should just remember that and move on.

Its not about how hard you can get hit, its how hard you can get hit, get up and keep moving forward.

(posted previously)


It's about taking chances, breaking free, being who you want to be, and showing all of those who told you that you can't that you can, and you can do it better then they can.
(life)