Music Sex Costumes and Exams x ;

The kid that no one noticed
The voice no one ever heard
I am just a nerd.

So I just finished my exams today, and let me just say that is a huge load off my shoulders now. Although, I feel as if I failed everything and I'll live in a cardboard box on king street and work at McDonald's part time, the other part working as a prostitute. I ended up seeing Sevin at two of my exams, stressful much? It didn't help the he stirred up unwanted forgotten emotions right before the two exams I know I was going to fail either.

So for some reason my computer decided to fuck up on me and I couldn't finish my post, but now I forget what I was going to rant about and I'll start off anew!

On Friday I finally saw Avatar with Romilda, I enjoyed myself and well, that's about all to say on that topic. Sure the movie was good but nothing interesting happened so moving on!

Be her hero
Be the one she needs
Before its too late
and she's lost forever.

I recently found a bunch of great music I've fallen in love with I would elaborate more but lets face it, I start talking music you'll never hear the end of it. So I'll save you the time by just saying this much, and I know your thankful. But I will say this; without music, shows, movies, and books I would have gone insane a long time ago. Music helps keep me grounded, shows/movies give me a taste of life, and books allow me to travel and experience new places and things. Without all that I would have truly gone insane.

I want to feel you
After so many drinks
One night
One time
And then just forget all about you

Alright so next on my list is; SEX. Everyone's absolute favorite subject since people learned to fuck. A lot of people think I'm slutty or a huge whore for stating my opinions. I'm the type of person that will go right out and say I want to fuck Eric Millegan's hot gay ass. Or I want Andrew Lee Potts to fuck me right here, right now in front of everybody. I've even said things like; I want to watch Eric Millegan with another man, that would be so fucking hot. I also have a strange fondness of showing people my bra, does that make me a whore? Well, I personally don't think so, sure my shirts are low cut but I like showing my cleavage for myself, those who don't like it- you can just suck it. And yes, I talk about sex a lot, and I think of it a whole lot more what do you expect I'm a bisexual teen who is attracted to older men, and a few around the school, but that's no need to call me a whore or slut. Talk to some guys, its normal. Talk to anyone really, I'll admit I think about it more then most girls but I'm not complaining, if someone's hot I WILL fantasize about them and yeah I'll probably get turned on, and for that reason I thank the lord I'm not a male. I'd almost always be walking around with a boner the size of Russia if I was one.

Madder than a Hatter can possibly be!

After watching Alice the mini series I've firmly made up my mind, I'm going as the Mad Hatter for Halloween. I've started my sketches and I'm considering making a whole wardrobe full of Mad Hatter clothing. It suites me and my personality, I hope I do the Hatter good. After all the Mad Hatter has always and will always be my favorite. Many, many thanks to Charlie who is graciously giving me his top hat, I am indebted to you. My next mission is to buy a lot of good quality fabric for a low price, learn to make a coat with coattails, and learn to make the skirt of my dress. Its going to be tricky but I'll be dammed if I don't make it as amazing as I possibly can. Wish me luck, cheers! And now that I think about it I'd like some tea, and perhaps a green apple if there are any left. I checked earlier, but you never know there could be one hiding just around the corner.



*posted feb 1st.

Alcohol and Cupcakes x ;

Looking for a night to forget
I want to see you
I want to be with you
But in the morning I don't want to remember

Life is life, what can I say? Some days are great and some days, you just really need a mate. Only one thing is true, you can't live without it.

School was a bore as usual, nothing too interesting happened unless you could be being taken away by Theodore Nott's looks and sort of staring at him while he walked down the stairs... That was slightly embarrassing Hermione and Romilda had to call be a few times before they got my attention. What can I say, he's a good looking guy and well, I'm smitten.

Lunch was okay, nothing new happened so no need to talk about it more. Third period we resumed our debate, it was slow to say the least. Harry sat beside me, it made me happy for obvious reasons. I mean he could have sat anywhere he wanted but he chose me, I feel very special. Okay so its not that big of a deal really, but I don't care. I hate his friend, why? I'm slightly jealous, okay very jealous. I just want to be his friend is all, or at least talk to him, unlike now.

After school there was a meeting for a club I'm in, we painted, how fun. Please note the sarcasm people! I mean really, there was almost no one there and the only people who were I didn't know and Hermione so we made an excuse and left.

When I got home I felt like sleeping but I didn't get the chance to, my friend called me over to make cupcakes with her so I obviously did. We made them for our last period class because our teacher is allowing us to bring in food while we study. The only reason we're allowed to is because someone's having a birthday, GO SEAMUS! I honestly love Flitwick as a teacher now.

Its only Tuesday, hm, I would've thought it was at least Thursday, woe is the life of a student and slow moving weeks.

Exams are coming up and the only thing I can think of is "If vodka was water... and i was a duck... I`d swim to the bottom and never come up..But vodka`s not water and I'm not a duck... so slide me a bottle and shut the fuck up" All I feel like doing is having a night to forget.

Forget it existed,
Forget why it happened,
Forget who I was with,
And forget what I've done.

Everyone has skeletons in their closet, too bad for me I have an army of them that won't let me forget they exist. My thoughts are plagued by the stupid shit I've done and I want out, the best way? Alcohol.

Just one night is all I need,
Just a temporary relief
I'll go back to reality
But I just need one night.

But no one will give it to me. Maybe they care, maybe their scared, maybe they just don't want to blamed. All I know is; I'm not getting the time to forget I need.

I bottle up my emotions, its no surprise,
I need a way out and alcohol helps.
Just give me one night.

Breathe x ;

Breathe;
To get you through the day
Breathe;
And stay alive
Breathe;
And live
Every one has those days,
But those days feel like every day to me

Well, whatever I'm going to try and be cheery today! Hah, that's going to be a challenge... Today has literally been a roller coaster of emotions.

First I was all BLAH and icky in the morning and then third period come around and my friend was being overly cheery, it annoyed me until she rubbed off on me and I lighted up instead of being the stupid emo child I felt like being. It also helped that I noticed a cute boy me and 'Hermione' call Theodore Nott looking at me. Now that brightened up my mood considerably.

Lunch came around and I sort of spent my time watching Nott so it was pretty good, considering...

Then it was third period and amazingly 'Harry Potter' was mega nice, he even said my name a few times. I mean I was aware he knew who I was but I really didn't expect him to know me, know me. So third period came a went we had a debate, surprisingly it was fun, and I kicked ass!

After school I saw some friends, talked to them, you know the usual and went home. At home there was really nothing to do, I made rice for dinner, ate my last green apple, and make hot chocolate. I really want another apple though, but unfortunately I ate my last one.

So the day went on, boring as ever and BAM I decided to look at my absolute favorite fan page on facebook; Thank God I'm not a Teen Age Mother. There's so much controversy and bitch fights who wouldn't love it? I posted some stuff, nothing bad or anything just saying the teen moms should get out because they have their own group and blah blah blah... How fun. Well, I'm off for tonight I gotta get ready to fail tomorrow's chemistry 'quest' horribly, wish me luck!

Breathe;

To get you through the day
Breathe;
And stay alive
Breathe;
And live
Every one has those days,
But those days feel like every day to me

Addictions x ;

Well, I'm back again.
Yes again, I keep coming back, and making new accounts.
And for what? Well, it's for my own sanity.
I'm crazy, psychotic, and a danger to myself and everyone around me.
And right at the center of my insanity lies the boy who drives me absolutely crazy.
One touch.
One scent.
One look.
Its all it takes to send me completely overboard.
And yet I need him to survive.
One day without seeing his face and I'm all sorts of crazy.
I'm angry;
sad;
frustrated;
restless;
dangerous;
When I said I was a danger to myself and others it wasn't a lie.
I'm crazy.
I'm in this twisted world of obsessed attraction and affection,
And I'm so far in,
That there's no way of reaching me now.
Past the point of no return,
Past all thoughts of hope.
So that;
Even when I do see him, I'm not any better.
I'm angry;
upset;
restless;
obsessive;
And I don't know what to do about it.
I tried being his friend.
It was a mistake.
I tried ignoring him.
It only caused me more confusion.
I tried confronting him.
It was disastrous.
So now you see at the cross roads I stand at.
I can push him out of my mind sure,
But all it takes is just one little thing to throw the trigger
And I'm back, again.
Maybe I need closure?
We never did date, hell we never became anything
There's still no words to describe us.
I guess I'll settle for
Classmates
I was doing fine, almost the whole year and I managed to stay cool and collected.
I managed not to see him without avoiding him,
But now?
I see him everywhere and its not doing any good for me.
I don't think I can ever just get over him.
Not without extensive amounts of therapy at least.
And it makes me sad.
I want to go back,
More than anything in this word.
Send me back a few years to the start of high school
And then maybe I can stop my self from making so many mistakes.
And stop myself from
falling for him.
The one thing I really need,
Is the one thing he'll never give me.
I need him to tell me he hates me.
That we never had a chance and we never will.
Its bad enough that he;
Haunts my past,
Haunts my mind,
Haunts my dreams.
I don't need him taking over anything else in my life.
It's such a twisted feeling.
I care for him,
My heart aches for him,
And yet I absolutely hate him with a passion.
I'm alone in this fight for sanity,
And I really wish I wasn't.
This is the hardest thing you could ever dream of.
Its terrifying.
It's my life.